SWEET SIXTINE

Goal Setting: June

It’s that time again where I make my quarter-yearly goals & reflect on everything I’ve accomplished since March.

• Debt-Free goal, achieved: April 2012 (business/personal)
• Learn how to shoot a gun, achieved: April 2012 @ Wade’s Eastside Gun (personal)
• Climb to the top of a mountain, achieved: April 2012 @ Mount Teneriffe (health/personal)
• Give up caffeine, ongoing: since October 2011 (health)
• Get back in shape, ongoing: since end April 2012, down 7lbs @ 107.4 today (health)
• Go back to school, pending: Summer quarter @ Everett Community College (business)
• Travel out of the country every year, ongoing: 2011 Madrid/Pamplona/Barcelona, Spain … 2012 pending

So here we go… June/July/August, you’re mine:

PERSONAL

•  Start a daily or weekly summer project: Daily Positive Thought A Day & Weekly Vlogging & blogging..
• Create a new painting every few weeks.
• Learn to ride a motorcycle & buy first bike (Kawasaki Ninja 250R)
• Compete in martial arts tournaments again

• Buy a new mountain bike & take on Monte Cristo and Glacier Basin with Chad for our 1 year anniversary <3
• Lose 2-3 inches off waist & 1.5-2 inches off hips

BUSINESS

• Build up portfolio
• Buy a new external flash for camera
• 4.0 in all of my classes this Summer quarter

Move With Intention

I love that feeling you get when your hands are shaky & you’ve got that adrenaline pumping from practicing a form you love. I told myself I wouldn’t even touch my Staff yesterday and only go home & rest but I couldn’t resist. Then last night I had a dream about training.. 

I wish I never quit martial arts in the past & stuck with it, but then again, it never would have taken me to this road I’m on now. Every step, every choice you make in your life serves a purpose. You can argue if it’s fate or simply a conscious effort, but I truly believe everything happens for a reason, as long as you’re willing to open yourself up to the lessons that life is trying to teach you. In life, we take those steps to enrich our lives with experiences and teachings based off of those experiences… In martial arts, each step we take brings us closer to a deeper level of understanding of the art we’re practicing. I watch my kids as they pick up a pair of nunchakus for the first time or learn a new hand technique or form. Their movements are so short and inexperienced, yet over time, they understand the movement and you begin to see the feeling—the intention more (well, for some. haha).. It’s rewarding when you can give the gift of martial arts to a person’s life because I know for myself, it’s lives and breathes my entire life in the choices I make and my work ethic and integrity. For the most part at least ;)

creating the manifesto

As you know— or may not know, if you don’t know me very well— I am in love with everything lululemon. From their branding to their cute comfy workout/training clothes. I can’t find anything I don’t love about the lululemon culture. One thing I’m particularly drawn to this company is their manifesto…

I think the idea is genius to post the company’s beliefs as a whole because hello! We can relate to it and the more we can relate to it the more willing we are to open ourselves up to letting them into our lives, which translates to us buying their merchandise. And they do a damn good job at it. Totally brilliant if you ask me. But my point isn’t to draw people in. I want to solidify my beliefs and put them on paper just as little reminders to myself. So every day or every week— depending on when an idea comes to me, I will be adding on to my manifesto and in short detail where these ideas come from. Read on…………

1. SPEAK YOUR TRUTH

I’ve noticed that people will say whatever it is that they think you want to hear just for the sake of trying to rub you the right way & later turn right back around and go against  it again. Sometimes people won’t even say anything just for the sake of not offending anyone. And it’s all bullshit. Joy brought this up at a Chakra Workshop that I attended over the weekend, but I distinctly remember a time in my life where I was afraid to ask for what I wanted. Somebody had said something to me that made me FEAR rejection or being told No & ever since then, even if it was someone different, I still had that same anxiety & I became very cautious about letting myself get into those same situations again. Pretty soon I became passive. Pretty soon after that I was walked all over and felt completely worthless & was just treated even more poorly. And it sucked. It sucked to feel absolutely powerless to change your situation in fear of someone elses power over you. Until I was able to free myself from that situation, I realized that no one ever has the right to tell you that you can’t express yourself the way that you want to. Never let anyone bully you into silence. Say what you have to say and make sure those words reflect your true compassion. If someone doesn’t agree or tries to belittle your opinion, think hard if you even NEED to let their worlds affect YOU. On the other side of the spectrum, you should never feel that you have to act or say certain things for people to like you. My first rule, I will never say anything on the internet/messages/etc that I wouldn’t say to someone in person. That just isn’t me. Always be true to yourself & stay consistent. When your thoughts are true and pure, you exude the light and beauty within. Spread that light.

Renewal of Self

“Sometimes you need to forgive yourself for the things that were never in your control to begin with.” - Joy

The root of all of my problems lies in one place that I am to this day, still reluctant to face or even speak about. Even the THOUGHT of it makes my throat close up and all of my emotions rise back up in this big wave of regret and betrayal that’s almost unbearable for me to contain..

I attended a Chakra Workshop today led by the amazing Joy and I never felt such a strong emotional sense of enlightenment by the words that she said, and part of me was resisting the urge to allow her healing words affect me (because I’m naturally a very to-myself person where I need to take on my problems on my own, not asking for anyones help)… but finally I let go of that shield and let it all in. I swear, that woman’s energy is like a magnet. You WANT to gravitate towards her energy. You WANT that energy to be your own. It’s just crazy to be able to be in the presence of someone like that. Actually, calling it an “honor” would be an understatement even. Even my first yoga class I took with her over a year ago made me gravitate to the Hot Yoga of Mill Creek studio OVER the Hot Yoga Inc. studio in Mill Creek Town Center.

So during this workshop, we sat out in the beautiful weather & took a Chakra Test to see where we stand in how balanced or how open/closed our Chakras are. So with 4 being the strongest or most open, here’s how I rated:

1. Root Chakra: Survival—Right to exist. Deals with tasks related to the material and physical world. Ability to stand up for oneself and security issues.
   Score: 2
    
2. Sacral Chakra: Feelings—The right to feel. Connected to our sensing abilities and issues related to feelings. Ability to be social and intimacy issues.
   Score: 1 
    
3. Solar Plexus Chakra: Personal power—The right to think. Balance of intellect, self-confidence and ego power. Ability to have self-control and humor. 
   Score: 1
    
4. Heart Chakra: Relationships—The right to love. Love, forgiveness, compassion. Ability to have self-control. Acceptance of oneself.
   Score: 2
    
5. Throat Chakra: Relationships—The right to speak. Learning to express oneself and one’s beliefs (truthful expression). Ability to trust. Loyalty. Organization and planning.
   Score: 2
    
6. Third Eye Chakra: Intuition—The right to “see.” Trusting one’s intuition and insights. Developing one’s psychic abilities. Self-realization. Releasing hidden and pressed negative thoughts.
   Score: 2
    
7. Crown Chakra: Knowingness—The right to aspire. Dedication to the divine consciousness and trusting the universe. Learning about one’s spirituality. Our connection to the concept of “God” or a higher intelligence. Integrating one’s consciousness and subconsciousness into the superconsciousness.
   Score: 4

I scored the lowest in Sacral Chakra (feelings) & Solar Plexus Chakra (self-confidence).. and while it doesn’t surprise me, it’s like a slap of reality that I wasn’t willing to admit to myself. I’ve kept this truth hidden away from myself and having these test results come back at me and being able to pinpoint it in my mind exactly where this all sources from, makes me feel incredibly powerless. The situation I went through was draining. That’s all there is to say about it. It sucked the life right out of me. While Joy was describing that people with very open Sacral Chakras are described as being very energetic and eager for life & those with very open Solar Plexus Chakras are described as usually having a clear sense of who they are and where they’re going, it only sounded like a memory of what I use to be, and that’s what’s disheartening to me. That I “used to be” this person. I use to know what I wanted, know exactly who I am and was happy with that person. I use to LOVE life and saw each new day as a new chance to take my dreams and goals further. I had an amazing life. And like Joy said, sometimes no matter how good we are to ourselves and to others, we get involved with just BAD, nasty people who just take and take and take, and it’s F’ed up, because that’s a part of me that will take me a long time to get back. 

Now, my strong area, the Crown Chakra, related to the spiritual life, I’ve always known about but always wrote it off as me just being crazy. From the night before my 15th birthday I’ve experienced (voluntarily & involuntarily) OBE’s and have always had a fair 6th sense for spiritual activity, whether its been seeing greys dip in and out of my vision, or smelling my grandmother’s distinct floral scent all of a sudden in a room. This is the only area where when all else is failing in my life, I’ve always been able to think about my grandmother and ask for her guidance and strength, she’s ALWAYS been right there and sometimes it’s made me even more emotional because even though I could never see her, I can feel her presence. I can’t even fully describe my last experience not too long ago and hearing her voice talking to Adrian in my time of need, but it confirms everything that I ‘thought’ was crazy before, is actually real. That’s why I have no doubt that this is my strongest, most open Chakra.

The other areas where I’m fairly strong/open at, I know will just take some work in opening up those two weaker Chakras first before everything else falls back into line. I want to dedicate myself to balancing these areas of my life again, and improve the areas where I know I’ve always had trouble. 

Deeper truth:

I’ve not always been a loving, positive person because of my lack of TRUE self confidence. Even though I’ve been very confident in myself/body/abilities/etc. in the past, I’ve still fallen victim to gossiping and petty jealousy/envy and still have the tendency to criticize and judge others quickly. One day I hope to have enough self confidence and pride in myself where I don’t EVER feel the need to “talk down” on others because I’d only want to be lifting them up to be on my level. Unless it’s coming from a pure place of recognizing the evil in people, I think it would be safe to say whatever I want about them, haha..

Reflecting deeper:

I know I will never allow another person to walk all over me again, I know when to say no… even though it’s naturally really tough to be mean to someone, my experiences shifted those priorities to where now it’s not just to be nice to everyone to save face and “be cool” in front of everyone… its a matter of respecting myself to stand up and speak up for myself and let those people know, “That’s not okay with me.” It’s never been in my nature to be the type of person to tell someone off because really, I just want everyone to happy and have no problems with anyone, but the more you hold on to that mindset, the easier it is for people to step all over you.

Concluding:

I don’t know how long my journey will take.. but compared to where I was months ago, having lost all desire for life and my meaning of existence, I at least am confident that there’s a road to go from here and I want to see that light again and feel that love for life as I once did long ago and every bit of truth I speak coming from a pure place of love and compassion. It’s amazing how one experience can open up your soul to feel something that’s never been tapped into so deeply before.. It’s a beautiful feeling and one day I hope to be able to freely live without the chains of my past that I emotionally can’t let go of and just… Be.

“The divine in me honors the divine in you.”

Namaste.

In a nutshell

• My NINJAgarten class is going fantastic.. My kids just got their Gold belts last week and I now have a new set of hatchlings to break into (just kidding)… But 3, possibly 4 new kids!? It’s exciting having my own program to struggle and grow with. It’s definitely made me a better instructor in my other classes as well.
• Adrian is sick… Again. Had to skip part of work to take him to the doctor and get his meds. Poor guy threw up both doses of his medicine. It’s no good… He’s had fever, coughing, runny nose all weekend until last night he threw up his dinner back into his bowl.. Then today he had a 103 temperature and the doctor pretty much summed it up to possible pneumonia or bronchitis, so the kid’s at home all week w/auntie or grandma until he’s done with his antibiotics. I just hate seeing him so miserable.. He WANTS to eat too but he just throws it back up. And it’s not like he’s freaked out by it either, he just changes his mind and wants something else. 
• On my last few sets of credit cards left to pay off. Chase will be paid off by the 27th according to my schedule & all I’ll have left is two more, then I’m down to one more medical bill to pay off & I’m free! After I pay those off I’m saving up for a quick getaway somewhere as a reward.

Hook

Your children love you, they want to play with you. How long do you think that lasts? Soon Jack may not even want you to come to his games. We have a few special years with our children, when they’re the ones that want us around. After that you’re going to be running after them for a bit of attention. It’s so fast Peter. It’s a few years, and it’s over. And you are not being careful. And you are missing it.